Hiya bloggies. WOW my shit has been crazy lately. Not my feces. My life. My life has been hectic. I went to Iowa City.
I don’t want to talk about it.
I do, however, want to talk about OPP.
Dear Cassie (Abby),
I’ve come to a recent realization. I’m the real life Good Luck Chuck. That is to say, every woman I date, but for some reason don’t stay with, ends up marrying the next schmuck she meets. Some good, some bad.
I’m not jealous of these fine gents, as it were; I merely wonder where Good Luck Mary is. Please provide some valuable feedback, with your trademarked insight, and provide some potential next steps to figure out my open-ended life.
Your Pal,
Anonymous Chuck
Hiya Chuck (Charles)!
I never talk about my own intimate relationships on my blog, so I don’t expect you to know this. Where you are “Good Luck,” I am “Life-Ruiner.”
I think this is basically true of many women who look like Stupids, but aren’t. It confuses men because they try to date people who look like their exes, and are sadly disappointed to find that she’s not as funny, not as smart, and not as good at making… cookies.
Most of us have a “type.” If I were into chicks, I’d be into “Cool Chicks.” Most of us repeatedly fail because we seek out that “cool-chick type” when we should be looking for someone who wants the same things as we do.
I don’t mean “We both love sushi, and we really want some every Sunday,” or “We’re both football fans.” I mean BIG things, like “Neither of us wants kids,” or “We want to move to Kentucky someday.”
That’s what I’m guessing your “some reason” boils down to. One or both of you were in denial about what the other person wanted. Those “schmucks” aren’t better than you, they’re just willing to settle (with ex-Mary) for a mediocre life. You had no idea that Mary wanted 2.56 kids and a dog, a chicken in every pot.
That’s a whole lotta chicken.
Maybe you’re more of a free spirit. Maybe you want to bike as your only means of transportation. Maybe you want to become Huck Finn and float down a river with a runaway slave whilst causing all kinds of mischief. Whatever it is that you want to do, I’m guessing past Marys have been quite contrary to your plan.
Potential Next Steps:
- Change what you want to fit with Mary’s ideal. Start saying things like “Dear” and teaching life lessons with children on your lap. Maybe get a pair of horn-rimmed glasses.
OR
- When you meet a woman, stop thinking, “She is SO my type. We’re into the same things, and good LAWD, those legs.” While that’s great for a year or two, Mrs. Chuck is going to have to want or not want the same BIG things as you. Early on, make sure you know whether she wants chicken in her pot. A great way to get to know someone? Writing letters with questions in them. Letters are really a lost art. Your Mary will appreciate it, and you’ll get answers.
And hey, Good luck, Chuck.
-Cassie
Want Cassie to take a stab at your (anonymous, of course) problems ? Email her at andcassiesaid@gmail.com
