I have three rules for the home.
- If you have to shove it in place, it doesn’t belong.
- When you run out of something, write it down.
- “It is easier to wear slippers than to carpet the whole world.” *
Z might argue that there are several more rules. I believe there is a distinction between “Rules” and “Common Courtesy” (ie: NOT throwing your sweaty, dirty man-socks on a freshly-vacuumed rug), but in Happily Ever After, where we live, we have to choose our battles.
Now, let’s examine rule number 3. Why am I quoting Al Franken? In the summer months, I am reluctant to blast my air conditioner, because I know that there are other ways to cool down. Not moving, for example. Drinking cold water. Wearing less clothing. If you’re wearing a blanket indoors in the summer, your A/C is too cold.
In the winter? If you’re wearing shorts and a tee-shirt inside, and wondering why your little tootsies are cold, it’s because you’re trying to “carpet the world,” so to speak.
Hustlers don’t blast their heaters. Hustlers figure out how to stay warm on their own.
How to winterize without being a total f*cking yuppie:
- Wear full snowboarding gear at all times. If anyone asks, just say that you’re ready to ride.
- Cover your windows with blankets and say that you’re going to start a meth lab.
- Start a meth lab. I hear these can get quite warm.**
- Eat a bunch of spicy shit.
- Ask Kim Kardashian if she wants to fake a wedding, then use the $17M to buy yourself a house in Mexico.
- Fill the cracks in your windows/walls/doors with various household objects. I like money. Or plastic bags. Or stolen art.
- Unplug your smoke detector and bring your neighbor’s fire pit inside. Burn your bills.
See? With a little elbow grease, money, and drug-related wherewithal, there is no need to carpet the world.
Okay, I’ll step off the Hustler soap box for a second. How can you apply the “Wearing Slippers” mentality to other areas of your life? Sometimes, it’s not your environment that needs to change. It’s you. Your homework is to identify those situations that you’re meeting with too much resistance, and figure out how YOU can adapt.
“A BUMP-IT? I’ll never look at her the same.”