Just fucking type as though you’re talking.
I understand that it’s difficult to emphasize how much you really love something when you’re typing about it. Inflection is hard to convey.
But if you “loveeeeee” something, you’re saying “Lovey.” No one says that they “Lovey” something in real life. I have never really loveyed the way my hair looks after day four without shampooing, but I might really LOVE it. Nor is anything really “awesomeeeeee.” Especially not my dirty hair.
JUST USE CAPS. YOU LOOK STUPID WHEN YOU ADD THE EXTRA EEEEE. YOU JUST SEEM TO BE YELLING WHEN YOU CAPITALIZE EVERYTHING, WHICH IS FINE.
Moving on.
It’s Friday the 13th, which for you superstitious blokes is no time to board a plane. For me, it’s payday, which means I’ll be hitting up the grocer. I hereby deem 2012 “The Year of the Kitchen.”
2011 was the “Year of the Upgrade”
My List of 2011 Resolutions:
Six-months’ expenses in savings… check
Move in with Z…check
Learn Geography and Government… Uh…carry over into next year.
Blog frequently…check
Sell Cobalt, procure Prius… check
Overall, an 80%. That’s a B. 2011 was, in effect, above average, but I can do better.
In 2011, I went out to eat approximately 250 times. One of my favorite things to do is dine out, but this practice isn’t sustainable. If I spent an average of $15 per meal, I chewed through $3750 and have nothing to show for it. Except a few inches, which are already starting to disappear.
Other things I could have done with $3750: Saved it, bought a 1999 Mitsubishi (probably), tattooed my entire body, Gone backpacking through Europe.
It’s not that I can’t cook. My father is a very good cook, and I’ve learned a myriad of techniques by watching him and listening to his little kitchen gems. “Never cook an egg on high,” “Red-meat-red-wine,” and, “See that? It’s bloody. That means it’s done.” (I kid)
Cooking I can do. It’s that I hateeeee cleaning. I hatey it. I try to trick myself into wanting to clean, but it always seems like punishment.
I tried implementing the “Okay, Z, if I cook, you clean,” rule, but Z is a “Sink Soaker.” You probably know a Sink Soaker… the person who claims they’ll come back and clean something, but 36 hours later it’s starting to fester and reproduce. “I was going to do that!” Lies.
So, the Year of the Kitchen continues, and I hereby vow to dine out no more than 1-2 times per week. So far I’m acing this. Is it a far cry from the martinis and sushi of my former life? Yes.
But with the money I save, I plan to do something even more spectacular in 2013. Backpack through Europe, perhaps?
First, I’ll be studying geography and government in the kitchen.
You know what to do.
“Oh yeah. I remember that ’cause we’d go get drugs and then it was like ‘Oh there’s the Black Angel.’”
